The Last Time

Dear Ric, 

Today marks one year of the very last time I saw you. You came over with dad to bring me some Sprite and goodies because I was getting sick and having a hard day. We talked, we laughed, you had a new sense of hope in your eyes. We had spent the last couple months together working on my house together. We had many discussions and arguments but way more laughs. I was looking forward for you moving in with us so I could spend even more time with one of my best friends. It had been a pretty intense year for me and you were always there to provide support and love. You had a rough year yourself as well but you were finally getting life back together for yourself. I was so proud. I'm convinced that mom decided that since you were on a up she convinced heaven that you needed to come. I'm sure you got a good whoopin' but also a great big hug from her.

 Ric, I'm so glad that you started saying I love you to me so many years ago. Because of that I have the best, tender last memory with you. As you were walking down my stairs that day, you looked up at me and said, I love you IsaBelle. I replied back with I love too Ric! I'll see you Monday! You looked back with that classic Ric smile and went downstairs. That was the last time I saw you. I will always cherish that memory. And even though you totally stood me up on so many plans we had made and it took me months to accomplish those things without you, I still love you. I still cry from missing you (...jerk) but when I am missing you, I always feel you here. I can still hear your voice and feel your love. I feel comfort of where you're at and feel peace knowing the fact that this life is just a small piece of what lies ahead. I am so grateful that you are my family and that I believe that after this life, families are together forever! And I can't wait to get to the other side to rub it in your face that I was right and you were wrong. As usual!

Also don't worry, I'm holding down the fort at being the best. Although saying I'm the best doesn't give me the same satisfaction as it used to because no one else contests me anymore. 

Anyway, I just thought I'd let you know that I'm doing good. I miss and think of you often. I just wanted to check in and say, I love you Ric! I look forward to the day I can hear your voice and get one of your signature Ric bear hugs again.

Love, IsaBelle

For I am not yet as Job.

Again I am hoping to express what I need to and again I am relying on the Lord to inspire the words that will follow. As you read this, my only intended hope is to bring comfort to those in need of comfort.

Today I found out some devastating news that my brother Ric, had passed away.

My heart breaks for I have lost a hero. My heart breaks for I have lost a best friend. Most importantly my heart breaks for I have lost a brother.

My heart will heal for I have hope. My heart will heal for he is safe. My heart will heal for I have support. Most importantly my heart will heal for I have faith.

Please bear with me as I once more express my appreciation for the faith and hope I have of a life after death. There are so many times where in life we don't get to say goodbye, we don't get enough time, we don't get to make things right, that it doesn't feel fair. Because of this I cannot and will not accept that there is no life after death.

I can't tell you what is waiting on the other side, in the next life, but I can tell you this: even if there is a minuscule chance that my family is there, I will choose to believe that. I will choose to find happiness in sorrow. I will choose to find light among darkness. I will choose to have hope over despair.

I will miss Ric more than anyone can understand. In some of the hardest times in my life, he was my happiness during sorrow. He was my light amid darkness. He was my hope over despair. He was my hero, my best friend, and my brother. He was one of a kind and I am blessed to be able to call such an incredible person my brother. He made a difference in many lives but he helped mold me to who I am today. I love him so much, words cannot describe nor do justice of my love for him. I will look forward to the day when I can feel his big bear hug and hear him say the words that are oh too familiar to my heart, "I love you, IsaBelle".

Ric always said that if he ever passed away, he would like his body to be donated for science. We are respecting his wishes and will not be holding a funeral but a memorial service. We are not sure on when we will be doing the memorial service as we are trying to get all of our family together but we will let you know as soon as we figure it out. Also, I am getting many messages though phone, texts, Facebook, ect. Please forgive me if it takes time or I don't get to you very quickly. Thank you for your support, prayers, and love during this trying time. 

Love, IsaBelle

Update: We will be holding a candlelight vigil as a memorial for Ric at the tennis courts in River Heights at the old elementary on Sunday at sunset. We would love to see anyone and everyone who had Ric as part of their lives. Please spread the word to anyone who would like to attend. Thank you for all your continuous love for our family. We have felt strength from all your love.

An explanation

I have been contemplating for about 4 months now what I was going to say to everyone. It has not been easy but I am now trusting myself to write and be guided what I need to say to make this absolutely perfect. It needs to be perfect because she deserves nothing less than perfect.

On June 15, 2015 our lives changed forever. Our 2nd child and beautiful baby girl, Rose Obray was born. Though her time on earth was brief, it was the most sacred and peaceful time I have ever experienced in my life. I will always treasure it and hold it in a very special part in my heart.

We have known for a while now that her time with us would be brief. When we went in for our 20 week ultrasound the doctor expressed concern and wanted us to have a more thorough ultrasound done with a specialist. We went to the specialist the day or two after and found out some devastating news. We were told that our daughter had a condition called skeletal dysplasia and that this specific type was more likely than not a lethal form. Skeletal dysplasia is a form of dwarfism. It is where the bones do not grow as they should and in our case that included her chest not growing making it so her organs, lungs specifically, would not be able to thrive outside of the womb.

As time went on and more ultrasounds were done our sweet baby girl's diagnosis became more and more clear that she would not be surviving outside of the womb.

Now I know not everyone reading this will be religious but I definitely am and I would feel completely ungrateful if I did not express my gratitude for the faith I have.

When Rose was born, my life instantly took a turn I never expected it would. I felt complete peace.

Through this process I was carried by Christ. I would have never been able to make it through this trial (and continue to make it through) without my faith in Christ. I believe that Christ suffered all for us including our trials and struggles in life. I have felt his love constantly through this. At the times I felt like I just couldn't handle it anymore, I felt his arms around me.

You may not have a faith but I do believe most people have hope in something. I believe faith and hope go hand in hand. I have hope that I am going to see my little baby girl again. I have hope that after this life, I will be able to be with my baby forever. I have hope that she is in a safe, loving, beautiful place and is with other family members who have passed on before who are taking care of her during this time. I have hope that this is not a goodbye but simply a see you soon. It is because of this that I have felt peace during this trying time.

I also know I have also been helped by our family and friends who knew about our situation and have prayed for our family. I felt strength in those prayers and thoughts and will always be grateful for them.

It has been absolutely humbling by all the selfless service and charity we have already received and I'm sure will continue to receive. It is actually quite overwhelming. Words cannot describe our gratitude.

As I mentioned before this has been a truly sacred experience so please don't be offended by the lack of details. I feel all that is truly important is that our Rose was and still is a blessing. She has raised my life to a whole new level of joy. I will always treasure the precious time I had with her.

We as a family are coping peacefully. We are still grieving our loss but not with loss of hope. I pray that everyone can always find something to have a hope in. Life would be so devastating without hope.

Thank you for all your prayers, thoughts, and love during this time. We are sincerely grateful!

A little introduction

I created this blog because I felt it would be the easiest way to get the message out about my current life situation. I'm not sure if it will have one posts or many but either way it will be useful to me at least once. I decided on the title "eleven minutes in" because there is not a time I can remember that I have gone entire day with out looking at the clock and at least once it is eleven minutes into the hour. Figured I might as well use the annoyance of always seeing 2:11, 5:11, and ect to my advantage and get a catchy title to a blog out of it. thanks for reading. Until next time.